I Dismember Mama

Father... yes son... I want to kill you........ Mother...I want to...WAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!! - Jim Morrison

Mommy issues. What can I say about 'em. Anyone who's ever had a mum suffers from them to some extent. Only when you try to actually murder dear old mama, that's when you've got serious problems. And poor Albert has got serious problems.

At the start of I Dismember Mama we meet Albert (whose appearance is a cross between Richard "The Night Stalker" Ramirez and Eddie Munster). He's a young man in a mental institution who has decided it is time to fly over the cuckoo's nest and finally accomplish the unfinished task that landed him there years before. That is to murder his mother, of course. He attacks a nurse, kills an orderly and makes a break for it. His mother gets word of his escape and is taken from her mansion and into hiding (did I mention Albert's a rich little brat?). But that's too bad for mama's maid who happens to show up just as Albert is looking for the old snob. Sadist that he is, Albert torments the woman for an unsettling long time. When the deed is done, who else but little Annie shows up. Daughter of the late house maid. Oh, but Albert likes her a lot. And she grows to love Alby, too. He tells Annie that her mother fell ill and that she gave him instructions to take care of her and show her a good time while she's away, even offering to take her to Six Flags. So, the two spend the day together and get along swimmingly. There is an awkward sense of pedophilia throughout these scenes and it is only made worse when, come nightfall, Albert checks into a hotel with little Annie.

caution children: spoilers ahead

All this time there is an inept Joe Friday wannabe on the trail of Albert. And it's no help to him that Albert's mother is shacked up with some asshole who won't let her talk to the police. But, all that's just boring fluff. The real creepiness comes when Albert and Annie get "married" in a mock ceremony in the hotel suite. But then, thankfully, Albert just puts little Annie to bed and goes out looking for a hooker to consummate with. It doesn't help that Annie gets up in the middle of the night and walks in on Alby as he has just completed his whole sadistic and homicidal schtick upon the young harlot. A chase ensues and they end up in a dark and spooky mannequin warehouse (why do they always end up in those places?). And just as poor Annie is about to meet her maker at the hands of Mr. Mommy Hater, Albert lunges for her and slips out of a window plunging multiple floors to his death. Then, of-freakin-course, Joe Friday and his cavalry show up after having done zilch the whole goddam time.

I Dismember Mama is a pretty solid and dirty 70s thriller. Not for everybody, but certainly not as dirty as a flick like Last House on the Left which was made the same year. One thing the film coulda done without was the god-awful score. It's so off-putting to watch somebody get killed while car chase music straight outta Hawaii Five-0 is blaring right at ya!

So give this one a go, but only if you've resolved your mommy issues already. Don't wanna go gettin' any ideas now...

6/10

(1972) Directed by Paul Leder

Quick bit o' trivia: Little Annie was played by none other than Geri Reischl, a.k.a. the fake Jan Brady. You know, the girl who stood in as Jan when Eve Plumb flaked out on her TV family for the Brady Bunch Variety Hour.